Don't pass on rumours, gossip and other nasty things.

There's a story about Socrates:

One day, a man came running towards Socrates, saying, "I've got something I need to tell you".

Socrates said: "Stop! Answer these questions first, and then I will tell you if I want to listen to you"

"1. Is this something that you personally know to be true?"

The man answered, "No, but I heard it from a reliable source"

"2. Is this news about someone that you personally know?"

The man answered, "No, but it is about someone that you know"

"3. Is this news considered good or bad?"

The man said, "Its bad news"

Socrates looked the man in the eye - and said... " So you want to tell me some bad news that you dont know is absolutely true about someone that you don't know personally? I'll pass"

The man replied "Now that you put it that way, I know it sounds silly."



What is a rumour? Or Gossip?

Most likely, its something that someone heard about someone else, and it is probably not true.

Don't pass on these things, whether it be by word of mouth, email, sms, or other forms of communication. These rumours just drain the energy of all who come into contact with it. Just kill it by IGNORING IT.

Hug yourself and feel confident

Yes, you do have to love yourself.

How can you expect anyone to love you, if you yourself do not love you?

Give yourself a big hug and say "I love you, [YourName]"

This may look funny at first, but it will grow on you and you will come to enjoy your hugs.

Keep a steady routine, first thing in the morning, and just before going to bed seems to work quite well. Keep it up for a month or more, and you will feel more loved and loving of yourself.

What does this have to do with confidence? Well how do you expect to be confident if you do not love yourself. Start with yourself.

Confidence with Brass

Confidence with Brass


One instance where people suddenly lose their self confidence - is when they are asking for money or asking for the sale. Suddenly their whole facial expression changes - Their face, suddenly pained by the prospect of asking someone for money, goes into a contorted state. Their legs turn to putty and their knees to jelly.

How can you prevent this, because even though you know your product or service is worth every penny of what you are asking, it becomes too much to ask for some just consideration or compensation? Even when someone is raising money for a good cause, they have mixed feelings and become very uncomfortable at this task. Thoughts run through the head such as "I'm no good at fundraising", or "I can't ask him/her for money" or "He's not going to buy anyway, why bother asking".

You don't want to have a roadblock or stutter incoherently, or look away when asking for the sale. All these are signs that you are not confident about popping the question, and the prospect/customer will easily pick up on your hesitance or evasive behaviour.

"What do you think?" is not a question you should be asking to get the money/sale. In no way have you asked for money at that point. You can read some good books on closing the sale if you want to make a good impression and ask for the sale. You do not want to appear too pushy or aggressive either. Just asking with a firm and confident tone of voice, backed up by your posture and facial expression is usually enough.

Here's a scary thought - Most people have no idea of the value of what they are purchasing, or the value of the service they are receiving. They will unconsciously take the cues from your behaviour, from your expression and their trust or apparent trust in you as an expert or an authority of some kind. So, whether you are asking for $10 or $10,000 the rules are similar. Do not flinch, even if the prospect or customer does.

You can practise this with your family, colleagues and friends. Ask them for constructive criticism on your efforts. Another good way is to practise in front of a mirror. Imagine yourself talking to your prospect, and deliver your pitch, and your closing statement to the person in the mirror. Watch for any signs of in-congruence in the person delivering the pitch, and do it again and again until you can deliver that with relative ease. You have to give the appearance of ultra confidence and have to be as bold as brass to win.

If you don't ask, you don't get. It is as simple as that. However, if you do ask, please do it with confidence. And keep quiet after you have asked. The ball is in their court now. The silence can be quite intimidating, but don't say a word. The next utterance has to be from the prospect/client. This at least gives you the opportunity to find out their concerns and address them.

May you be as bold as brass.

Arrogance IS Confidence

Arrogance is Total Confidence?

Recently, I had the "pleasure" of meeting someone who is a successful businessman, and trainer. However, after our introductions, I instantly disliked him. Why? you may ask. Something about him seemed out of place.

I have just figured it out. He was very confident, but had an air of superiority with me getting the distinct impression that he was "snuffing" me or just "was too good for me". Now that is arrogance. There is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant.

Confidence is an inner understanding that you have the ability, you are OK, and that you are valuable and worthwhile.

Arrogance, on the other hand, is like feeling you are the MOST valuable person in the world, and that you are better than anyone else, and also that you do not need their input or help or companionship. Ouch!

To be truly successful, one should strive to be confident without any of the arrogance.

When you are so self absorbed and giddy with your own sense of self worth, you may not feel the need to be sensitive towards any other person. Also you may feel that you know everything, are able to read peoples' minds, know what they are thinking, that you alienate yourself from others. In fact, you may be so cocky and arrogant (confident) that you feel there is no need to check in with other people, no need for their opinions, no need to socialize period!

Believing in yourself and your capabilities and your worth-full-ness is a necessary part of being confident, but its the disregard for other people's values, opinions that make a person switch from being perceived as confident, to being seen as arrogant.

So when does confidence become arrogance? It happens when confidence is used to create a distance between people. That makes all the difference. So please be more sensitive to the words you use, and your poise. Being indifferent creates the feeling that you don't care, and that you would rather be talking to the goldfish in the aquarium.

You can become more Self-Confident!

What are you confident about?

When we talk about being confident, it always in relation to a specific situation or a context. No one has no confidence in everything. Its always saying "I'm confident about _________" or "I am not confident about ____________". Fill in the blanks.

One definition for self-confidence is: "Confidence in oneself or one's own abilities"

Abilities again imply that it is in a specific context. For example, one person may be totally self confident about writing, but could be a nervous wreck when talking to someone.

So what are you confident about? - make a list of the things you are confident about. Normally we only think about the things that we are not confident about, that we are not in control of. If you were to make a list of all the things that you are confident about, and that you have to ability to do with a certain degree of certainess, then you can apply that same confidence to other areas of your life.

Make a list now. Include such things that you may take for granted as well. Here is a sample list or questionaire that can help you.

- Can you brush your teeth?
- Can you eat?
- Can you drink through a straw?
- Can you wear your clothes?
- Can you open a door?
- Can you put on your shoes?
- Can you tie your shoelaces?
- Can you write your name?
- Can you count up to 10?
- Can you walk without falling down?
- Can you smile?
- Can you pick up a glass of water?
- Can you read a page?
- Can you talk to yourself?
- Can you talk to others? (Think of people you are able to talk to, rather than the people you cannot hold a conversation with.)

Of course, you can add on all the little things that you can do, and that you can do confidently. Most people will be able to answer YES to all of the above questions. I can change the questions slightly by adding the following before each question: "Are you confident that you can " - so that the question becomes changed as follows:

- Can you brush your teeth?
becomes
- Are you confident that you can brush your teeth?

Now, I am pretty sure that most people are very confident that they can do all of the above tasks, and many many more. So you do have the ability to do those tasks.

So go ahead and make your list. You'll be amazed at all the things that you have confidence in.

You have the self-confidence to do the things that you are comfortable doing!

Total Confidence Secrets

Introduction to Total Confidence Secrets

In this age of personal development, one of the key and central factor we need is to have self-confidence. Having self-confidence means our self-esteem is heightened and this is integral to our personal growth. Our search for personal growth is linked to achieving successes in our lives and this is not just financial success, but also in other areas such as personal relationships.

This blog is dedicated to inspire and to drive motivation for those seeking to enhance the quality of their lives. Success and growth begins with an attitude of having faith that only good will be the outcome of whatever challenges that we face in our lives.

As a trained NLP (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) practitioner, allow me to share my experience and knowledge in upcoming pages.

Here's to your success!

May we all have Total Self Confidence